Hello, this is Jakethewriter, nearly retired travel journalist, writer and commentator with today’s Podcast.
This one is pro bono in the hope
that it upsets a lawyer or two
I don’t know about you but I need cheering up, so today there will be no whistle-blowing, no politics well except to suggest that you should give serious consideration to voting in the referendum on June 23rd and if you use your intelligence you will certainly vote to leave the undemocratic and unelected European Union. I will not mention wind farms, or global warming, the BBC, NHS or even Jimmy Savile, who by the way is still dead. Today there will just be a smile as we look forward a sunny weekend.
I’ve been reading all week about the naughty goings on within Northumbria Police, senior officers, a female lawyer fondly know as ‘sex on legs’, gagging orders, fights, gagging orders lifted and everybody shagging everybody else. Now the court restrictions have been lifted and photos published the story I was going to write a ‘Carry on Constable’ skit but good Lord they must be some really poor sex starved beggars in the Northumbria Force. Have you seen the objects of their desire? Completely spoilt my story.
If Jethro had been relating the tawdry tale he would have said “Christ! I wouldn’t do that with yours” or “I wouldn’t climb over you to get to her!” So as a show of sympathy to Northumberland’s sad lack of good looking females I shall cease taking the Mickey.
Instead I have another story of the legal profession, not that I have anything against the money grubbing low-life, who if they cannot win by ambulance chasing have a tendency to alter the facts. It will be a long time before I forgive those performers in Iraq and the serious damage they have done to our troops. As Shakespeare succinctly put it “The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers”.
My story goes – A Solicitor parked his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues. As he was getting out of the car, a truck came speeding along too close to the kerb and took off the door before zooming off.
More than a little distraught, the Solicitor grabbed his mobile and called the police. Five minutes later, the police arrive . . . . . Before the policeman had a chance to ask any questions, the man started screaming hysterically: “My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined. No matter how long it’s at the panel beaters, it’ll simply never be the same again!”
After the man finally finished his rant, the policeman shook his head in disgust.”I can’t believe how materialistic you bloody Solicitors are.” he said. “You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don’t notice anything else in your life.” “How can you say such a thing at a time like this?” sobbed the Porsche owning solicitor.
The policeman replied: “Didn’t you realise that your arm was torn off when the truck hit you?” The Solicitor looked down in horror. “Freaking Hell!” he screamed. “Where’s my Rolex????”
That’s all for today, thanks for listening. See you next week